An emotive title that could mean something different for each of us. I would like to talk about the challenging child. The one that is overly stimulated, often rude, angry and can be abusive both emotionally and physically, nearly ALL THE TIME. This can happen either at home or at school or both. A child that is there to test our boundaries and holding the reigns of control is a real challenge, for the parents ( or parent / carer) and for the teachers.
The difficult child has a collective spiritual goal. To break any boundaries and limiting beliefs to reach the truth, to shred old energy. However they can get mixed up and often march into anything like bulls in a china shop. New or old energies, they can attack anything.. Ripping us all naked to find our weaknesses and judgement. This truth – they are seeking-eludes them whilst young and can be lost on their way to adulthood. Most of all they do not feel the truth within themselves. Not realising that they are spirits in form, great, loved and beautiful. Their self esteem is really low, they feel they are not loveable, or noticeable, or mean anything to anyone. They can present their low self esteem by putting others down or by putting themselves down,( the two forms low self esteem is manifested ).
The difficult child has a hard time being on this planet. They struggle with communication and being human as this harsh energy that is our mass consciousness at the moment really gets to them.It gets under their skin. They absorb it without them being even slightly aware of it. The difficult child feels difficult inside.
The difficult child feels offended and misunderstood, when others try to apply boundaries on them. As their harsh personality is a pseudo-personality, any attempt to conform them even trying to get them to school, is just hitting on this shield making them reactive to whatever you might say to them.This pseudo-personality (that later on might become bullying) has been created to “protect” them from harsh energies. In doing so they become harsh themselves!
The difficult child’s prominent defence is re-action. They become re-active and not pro-actively engaged with the world and people around them. Remember action denotes power (the silent voice inside us), re-action denotes force (the fear inside us, that we can get hurt, offended, ignored or bullied).
The difficult child needs understanding, guidance, as under all the mischiefs and seeming naughtiness, they are voicing out “look at me , I am noticeable, I am alive, I am here.”
The difficult child has a hard time understanding his/her actions. As for them – and to many adults I dare add- their actions outrun their thinking. So, from the adults point of view the difficult child needs a lot of speculation and guidance, to shed light to their actions. Adults need to listen and understand harder than usual to find a kinder way to interpret their behaviour. One without judgement or fear, in order to give it back to them and start building their real personality. One based on trust and care unlike the pseudo-personality that is based on fear and judgement.
It is so ironic, they are trying to shred lies and yet their pseudo personality is based on these.
“ When a parent can’t control their child for any reason, it is time we step in.” declared D. Kiriazis. my mentor and friend psychiatrist and psychoanalyst.
I do agree. Therapists should step in to re -create the sacred golden thread that connects a child with his carer. As no matter what the difficult child says or does, he/she loves you -the carer- and needs you immensely.
From the teachers’ point of view the difficult child will not stop until they let go of the “reigns” however loose they may be. As I said in the beginning this is the child’s collective spiritual goal. The difficult child will drive the teacher to feel they are “not good enough”, at their job! A “difficult” little boy I had back in Athens, was said to have driven his teacher to resign from the school as she burnt out.
From the parents’ point of view, if there are two of them, guilt will be thrown from one to the other like a ping pong ball, and if it is a single parent, guilt is with them 24-7. So walk carefully around them. Be gentle. They already feel like a failure, and any attempt to help might be regarded as an attack. The difficult child will make their lives difficult you see…
Both parents as well as teachers, know that they haven’t signed up for this!
And they don’t have to. These feelings of inadequacy are real. They do need outside help. The cavalry. A psychotherapist, independent, unknown to them, but trustworthy. Help can be achieved if they don’t expect and/or push for it. Even healing. But, the worse case scenario is that nothing will change, (someone might be unwilling to change in the family constellation). It’s worth the shot! It might work out later with a sense of miraculous healing! That is when all of the family members involved are ready and willing to change. And so it happens!
The difficult child offers opportunity for learning. Do not miss this opportunity. There’s great wisdom in it.